what to do, what to do…

by amyesacove

My dreams are becoming increasingly bazar. I won’t go into detail, because how annoying right? Can’t stand when people tell their dreams in a long drawn out explanation. I’m just under a lot of pressure. Over the last 6 weeks I have been meeting so many people, mainly to fill key positions for “North Blvd”. I met about 10 Cinematographers, but knew that the one I really wanted was actually my last meeting. His reel is amazing, he is a super nice guy and upon reading the script, said that it was the best script he’s read in a long time. I was elated. He really wants to work with us! woohoo! He was waiting to hear about a job; something he promised these other folks he would shoot. “Fine, no problem” I said. “Just let me know what your schedule is and we’ll go from there”. Weeks have  gone by and nothing. I called. I called again. I emailed. No reply. Do I wait a little bit longer? Do I risk that my second choice might slip through my fingers as well because I waiting too long to hire him and he’s on to another job and unavailable? 

In the meantime- locations, locations, locations. I am working on a locations report, getting really specific about what we still need. Do most directors do this? 

My biggest fear is showing up unprepared. So I am working so hard now so I can luxuriate when we shoot. well not luxuriate…but at least I will have time to stand back and marvel at what is actually happening.

For 13 years, I have wanted to make this film. From the moment I returned from meeting my birth parents, I started telling the story to friends and anyone else who would listen. And then to a live audience. I knew that some day it would become a film. I knew it. And I never gave up. I NEVER had any doubt that it would come. I could have easily given up. And the time would have passed anyway. And I would be left dreamless, wondering and then stopping myself. The cameras aren’t rolling yet, but its here. “North Blvd” is getting made.

Every day, I wake up and say thank you. A big giant THANK YOU. And even though I am thanking the heavens, the universe…I know that it is ultimately me. I am thanking me. For having faith.  

Its funny. When I journal or even start talking about my reservations, fears and so on, ultimately I end up with a smile and talking about faith and my gratitude. Art hurts. But its such an amazing path. It has single handedly taught me what God really is. 

So off I go. I have a locations report to finish, an investor report to look at, shot lists to make and lines to learn. Have a beautiful day.